Thoughts on Ekkstacy in Berlin

When you listen to a song with sad lyrics––for example, “My voice is nothing when I’m screaming out for help / I stretch my hand but my grip just gives out” by the artist Ekkstacy––how often are you truly listening to the artist, and not just the song? Most people derive a sense of musical catharsis from projecting their own experiences onto the story being told, and the feeling of understanding, camaraderie, and acceptance that accompany this process.

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“This is my story,” we often think, enjoying the feeling of seeing ourselves in culture. But what if, rather than bopping our heads or singing along, we actually listened to what these artists––these people––are telling us? What if, instead of passively consuming what they create, we responded with outreach, care, and support to those singing or screaming out for help?

New York Times writer Jon Caraminca addressed this subject in an article called “Juice WRLD and the Tragic End of the SoundCloud Rap Era” in 2019, holding the industry accountable for the loss of many budding talents. “It’s awful to know that there are systems in place to quickly extract maximum value from the art produced by its creators, but essentially none designed to protect them from the challenges that quick success can bring. There is no scene, no sound, no movement without musicians, but they have no union, no centralized self-care resources. Just the requirement that they work harder and do more.”

This matter was at the forefront of my mind both during and after my conversation with Ekkstacy, the Vancouver-born artist who GQ named “Gen Z's New King of Sad Punk Songs” in a cover story earlier this year. Taking ecstasy backstage in Berlin is hardly a novel experience, but my experience with this Ekkstacy––who prefers to go by “Stacy” (despite his given name being Khyree)––in the green room at Kesselhaus last month did feel memorably intense.

Ekkstacy started making music and releasing it on Soundcloud as a teenager, when he was working at an Amazon packing facility after dropping out of high school. His dreamy, reverb-heavy tracks sound like love children between shoegaze and Y2K pop punk; and bring to mind some of the best rock bands of the subsequent decade, such as DIIV, Beach Fossils, and the Jacuzzi Boys. In 2021, Ekkstacy’s track “i walk this earth all by myself” (the lyrics to which are quoted above) exploded online, and became the hit single of the following album, which has a tracklist that reads like a poem:

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“i walk this earth all by myself”

“then I met her”

“it only gets worse, I promise”

“i want to be your side”

“for forever”

“but there is always hatred”

“in love”

As is often the case with musicians who make it big singing about adolescent angst, for Ekkstacy, the passage of time has sparked transformation. His evolving catalogue of music reflects his personal journey towards the light, which peaked in brightness on a self-titled album released earlier this year, with the infectious and jubilant love song “Bella” as its lead single.

During our conversation, I noticed the red anarchy symbol tattooed on the side of Ekkstacy’s face looked more like a burn scar than anticipated, while the scars on his torso––which he got after jumping out of a two-story window while in drug-induced psychosis in his early teens––are more subtle than they should be.

Unlike those who remain guarded and on high alert in the presence of the press, Ekkstacy was as eager to dive into the darker subjects in his life as he has been to unravel them within his discography. Vibrating with energy and anxiety, Ekkstacy is impulsive––and almost can’t help himself but to interject with one-word reactions, retorts, and somewhat defiant counter queries.

Ekkstacy: I love your shirt. I have the OG My Bloody Valentine one. It’s blue. I never wear it. I can’t wear it.

Cassidy George: This is also an original and one of my prized possessions, but I wear it all the time. Do you still do the shoegaze thing when you perform—eyes closed, staring down at feet?

Ekkstacy: When I’m uncomfortable, yeah. These days I have so much fun that I don’t do it. The first time I played in Germany was one of the worst days of my life. It was in Berlin. It was dark. It was this weird showcase; it wasn’t a headline. There were only like 50 people and there were tables everywhere. It was like a 2000 cap venue. I cried, it was misery. Although I did have a tour called the “Misery” tour, for the Misery record. That was fucking fun!

CG: You released a new song today called “seventeen.”

Ekkstacy: I just made it! It’s new. I just made an album. It’s finished. It comes out in May and then I’m a free agent.

CG: Do you feel like you can write from a happier place now?

Ekkstacy: Hell no! Did you hear it? The lyrics are sad.

CG: But the production is—

Ekkstacy: More emo-y than indie. It’s just faster now.

CG: Your given name, “Khyree Zienty” is extremely unique and already has a stage name quality about it. Why did you want to be called Stacy?

Ekkstacy: It’s from Stacy Peralta.

CG: I’m going to ask you some very open-ended questions…

Ekkstacy: Please do, I love those!

CG: What excites you?

Ekkstacy: This tour. My album. A few weeks ago I would have said ketamine, but now I won't.

CG: What motivates you?

Ekkstacy: Happiness. The only time I’m really happy is when I’m making good music or when I’m touring—or when I’m with someone I really enjoy, but I don’t get to see the people that I enjoy very much because of touring. Besides my band!

CG: What makes you angry?

Ekkstacy: Instagram Reels. When artists post their shit on there over and over again. Also bad monitors on stage and crowds that are boring. Traveling––as in the act of getting somewhere. Addiction.

CG: What makes you miserable?

Ekkstacy: Loneliness. Being at home and having nothing to do in Vancouver. It’s a boring place. I get depressed when I’m bored. Not being able to make good music. But I never finish something that’s bad. If you go through my computer or my producer’s computer, you will only ever find good songs. I don’t waste my time.

CG: Are you your toughest critic?

Ekkstacy: I’d hope so, but I'm working on it. I’m trying to just be nicer to people to make me like myself more. I’m trying to be kind.

CG: You don’t identify as kind?

Ekkstacy: Yeah, I’m kind. I’m reliable and I’m trustworthy. I can be an asshole, for sure, but I’m also generous. I don’t fuck my friends over, but I’ll snap on people. I’m not scared to argue or fight, but I don’t start shit. I love giving gifts, I think that’s my best quality.

CG: Is that your love language?

Ekkstacy: Yeah. I try to take care of my parents and my mom. It feels good. I don’t see her enough so I try to do whatever I can. She came to my show in Seattle, but she blew it. She blacked out drunk. She had too good of a time and then it ended poorly, so I had to take care of my little sister that night. I ended up getting to hang out with her and my friends, which was actually great. I don’t know why but I don’t have any memories of her being a kid.

CG: How is your memory in general?

Ekkstacy: I remember a lot of my childhood. I remember a lot of me and my brother because we are similar in age. He’s younger, he’s 19. He’s going through it. But you would never know by looking at him.

CG: Those are the dark horses.

Ekkstacy: Yeah, he’s the scary kind. He worries me. He wears normal clothes, speaks normally, listens to normal music, and has friends. He’s in the hospital all the time. I just feel bad for him, I feel bad for my mom. She keeps finding him in his room eating pills. I’m the less scary kind. I was just an edgy kid, making music and drinking. I wasn’t trying to kill myself like he is. I don’t know if he is for sure or if he’s just trying. Or if he’s just bored. I’ve tried to talk to him but he’s the kind you can’t talk to. He says: “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m fine. I’ll be better.” Like, okay. I don’t believe you.

Are you done with the open-ended ones?

CG: No.

Ekkstacy: Keep going. I like those. Sorry for talking about my brother.

CG: You don’t have to apologize, I just find a lot of what you have said really worrying.

Ekkstacy: I’d rather talk about my life than music.

CG: That's funny because a lot of fans complain when music journalists “don't even talk about the music” in interviews.

Ekkstacy: Real fans want to hear about what the person’s going through.

CG: In “Mr. Mole,” you sing this lyric: “stop lying to yourself.” Are you lying to yourself about anything?

Ekkstacy: I wrote that song when I was in psychosis this April. Alcohol psychosis. I was drinking so much. I knew I was going to die if I kept going, but I also was like, “Nah, it's fine.” So yes, I was [lying to myself] then.

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CG: Are you more the heartbreaker or the heartbroken?

Ekkstacy: Heartbroken, if anything. I’m kind of in the middle. I don’t hurt anyone. My girlfriend and I just broke up yesterday. We were together for two weeks.

CG: Is it really a girlfriend if it was just two weeks?

Ekkstacy: Well, we were dating.

CG: You met two weeks ago?

Ekkstacy: No, I met her two years ago. But she’s a drug addict. She lied to me. So much.

CG: About drug use?

Ekkstacy: Yeah, so boring.

CG: Sadly, addicts are very predictable.

Ekkstacy: So predictable. There’s no attachment once [lying] happens.

CG: Are you feeling heartbroken then?

Ekkstacy: No, I'm happier than I've ever been.

CG: Your lyrics often grapple with mortality. What do you think happens after we die?

Ekkstacy: I’ve thought about this so much because I’m so scared of dying. It’s my biggest fear! I think we get reincarnated. When you were born, why did you get your consciousness? The only thing that matters about you is your consciousness––all of the organic shit is just earth. So when you're gone and your consciousness dies, why would you not just wake up again [with that consciousness] as someone else?

CG: Making music is sort of like leaving bits of your consciousness behind, right?

Ekkstacy: I don’t think about it too deeply, but yes, part of you stays.

CG: Do you believe that everything is random or that there's some kind of greater design?

Ekkstacy: No. Or wait…are you asking if I think things happen for a reason? Then yes. I notice a lot of cycles. I’ve done the same thing over and over many times. Those are cycles.

CG: What would you like to be reincarnated as?

Ekkstacy: I’d want to be a really skinny, white emo person that's from LA and plays music.

CG: Please tell me you’re joking.

Ekkstacy: I'm not joking.

CG: Why would you want to come back as the lamer version of yourself?

Ekkstacy: That’s just who I’d want to come back as.

CG: In earlier interviews, you mentioned that you felt a lot of insecurity about the way you looked growing up. Is all of this related somehow?

Ekkstacy: I still feel gross about myself.

CG: Why? Where does that come from?

Ekkstacy: Maybe just how I was treated growing up.

CG: By friends or family?

Ekkstacy: Neither. Just people. Peers. I also think that I discredit myself a lot.

CG: I know you are close with the photographer Jason Nocito, and he’s taken a lot of amazing photos of you. Has that not helped you see yourself in a different way?

Ekkstacy: Jason Nocito is like my best friend and my mentor. He’s sober and he’s trying to get me sober and I just keep failing. I still see myself the same way. I want to change it, but I don’t know how.

CG: Even with all these fans—

Ekkstacy: It means nothing. I don’t think people see me like that. There’s people who you see and think, “that’s a beautiful person.” I don’t think people think that about me, that’s not my thing.

CG: What would help you see yourself differently?

Ekkstacy: Maybe if someone that genuinely cared about me convinced me. But when I treat myself well, I feel better about myself. I try not to eat on tour. I don’t eat much on tour at all. I have problems eating. I have pretty bad problems.

CG: And this has been the case since you were a teenager?

Ekkstacy: No, just since 2022. Covid happened, so I sat on my ass for a year and gained weight. My song blew up, I got a lot of money, I ate a lot of food. Then people started saying “you’re fat, bro.” So I starved myself for two months and lost 60 pounds. It started there, but now it’s not as bad as it was. It’s addictive, though. There was a tour that I did it on. So now when I tour, I just don’t eat. But I actually like to cook at home. I like to be healthy and treat myself well. Take my medication and shit.

CG: What’s your favorite thing to cook?

Ekkstacy: Steak, like good steak. There’s a butcher right by my house. You can’t get steak at the grocery store! And you need to go to the fish market for fish. So you’re done?

CG: Almost, just one—

Ekkstacy: I like doing this. I love talking and I love interviews because I know that the person cares or is enthusiastic, at the very least. Or you’d hope. You can tell when they don’t care. And of course there are the boring questions. But this is fun, I love the rapid fire.

CG: Is there something that has never come up in an interview that you wish has—it can be a question or a general topic? Something you want to highlight or speak about?

Ekkstacy: Yeah! I don’t know how to say it though. I’ve always wanted people to look at me as normal. You know? I’m not trying to go for the crazy big ego rock star cool guy. Even though I might look like it. I try to say it on stage sometimes, but I can’t get it [out] right. I just want people to realize that I’m so normal. People always ask me for advice because there are artists who are so knowledgeable and smart and give all of their fans life advice, but I just have no idea what I’m doing. I’m very lost and anxious and sad and I’m very…normal. All I know is that I like to make music. Sometimes I’m alright at it, yeah. Obviously, some people freak out when they see me but I wish they would just be like, “Hey, what’s up.” I love to talk to people. I sit at the merch booth for hours after every show. But it’s a lot.

CG: I imagine it gets quite overwhelming to hear “your music saved my life” over and over again.

Ekkstacy: Yeah, that one fucks me up. I never know what to say. I’m like, “Thank you?”

CG: Do you go out after shows? There's an illegal venue that’s open on Fridays that you might be interested in. It’s very…Berlin.

Ekkstacy: Are there freaks there? Drugs?

CG: For sure both.

Ekkstacy: Then I’ve got to stay away. I’m more of a wine and vinyl guy, as cringey as that might sound. I have like 400 vinyl records at home. That’s what I love to do.

CG: That’s not cringey at all. It’s very grown up.

Ekkstacy: Fuck a party dude.