Product Review: The Engineered Garments x HOKA ONE ONE Bondi B

Here we have the latest kicks in the Engineered Garments x HOKA ONE ONE collab. They’re based on HOKA’s debut road model, the Bondi B (2011), and GQ just called them “the wildest sneaker you can run a marathon in,” which you probably didn’t need to know if (like me) you don’t run marathons (or indeed at all.)

What you do need to know is that I got them in spill-fearing cocaine white which means that when I wear them I’ll definitely spend more time worrying about stains than I should. That first stain is the fucking worst though isn’t it? Kind of like your first sin after confession (sorry, I went to Catholic school).

Anyway, the Bondi Bs feature a “Meta-Rocker,” which sounds like a niche genre of self-referential 1980s music that my dad would tell me is “better than hip hop,” but is in fact (I think) good for your feet. They are supposed to “provide an extremely comfortable ride at any distance,” which is lucky because that includes Extremely Short Distances, aka my distances of choice. I’m gonna wear them on the walk to the U-Bahn and look like an Active Person™️, but the only exercise I’ll do in them is chasing down anyone who spills coffee on my new creps.